Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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