Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
