Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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