he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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