those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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