The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
