omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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