Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
