dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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