I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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