just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
