So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
