Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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