We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
