I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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