How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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