Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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