dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
