i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
