dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
