i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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