Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
