I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
