as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
