I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
