My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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