Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
