She is in my trunk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
