why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
