Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
