If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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