Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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