didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
