I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize