Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
