I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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