PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
