just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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