Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
