I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
