Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
