How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
