i permit you to call me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
