She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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