she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
