# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
