she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
