i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
