I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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