NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
