I CAN MOONWALK!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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