The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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