im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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