This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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