why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
