I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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