Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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