Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
