Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
