Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
