Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize