2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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