Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
