Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
