proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
