weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
