I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
