it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
