Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
