I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
