she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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