2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
