When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
