Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
