Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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