Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
