If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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