It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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